Spiderman 2: Was a 3rd Needed?

I just returned from the Casino breakroom where Spiderman 2 was playing on the FX channel on our lovely plasma screen. Now, granted, I was only in there for about 30 minutes, and I did come in somewhere in the middle of the movie. However, I don’t think that excuses what I saw.

Is this a movie or a cartoon? Aren’t the special effects supposed to be shocking? Or is it supposed to look that fake? They did better with the special effects back in the day with Star Wars. At least those looked believable.

Here’s what gets me. For those of you who saw this movie: Do you remember the scene where Aunt May is being handled like a rag-doll hundreds of feet off the ground by Doc Oc and Spiderman has to rescue her? Oh, what? No? Well, here… maybe this will refresh your memory. First of all, she looks way too happy.

Second of all, she saves herself from a massive fall by hooking her umbrella or cane on a ledge. I’m not bashing the move, it’s a comic book world, after all. But it’s all so far-fetched. More so than I remember the first Spiderman movie being.

The of course, we have Peter Parker who just decides not to be Spiderman anymore. He goes around reciting poetry and chasing after a pathetic M.J. (Get the only actress who actually looks permanently drugged up to play MARY JANE. I guess it works.)

Now, I know comic books have their own rules. I love comic books. Hell, I loved the Batman Movies when they were bad. I loved the X-Men Movies, even that last one. Bitches.

I used to sit myself down in front of the television everyday after school with my two brothers and watch the Superman, Batman, X-men, and Spiderman cartoons! Quality stuff!

But c’mon, let’s get real. This movie…? Could it really be any good?

“In my dream, I’m Spiderman… Well, I mean, I’m not actually Spiderman. In fact, it’s not even my dream. It’s a friend’s dream.” (And yes, I’m paraphrasing! I don’t remember the exact words.)

Only what he should have said was, “I was Spiderman in this movie… Only, that’s not really me in that movie. In fact, that’s my friend in the movie.”

Stan, the man, if you’re responsible for this writing then I think it’s time to consider retirement. A nice little condo somewhere in Florida with pink flamingos posted up in your front yard.

I want a good ol’ cheese-free Spiderman if I’m watching a movie with a backing budget as large as this one’s. And especially if you’re going to force me to put up with Kirsten Dunst. (For all other Anti-Dunst peeps, check out What Would Tyler Durden Do it’s a Celebrity Gossip Blog. The author can be kinda harsh and bitter from time to time, but it’s perfect for a good laugh. For Anti-Dunst content, just search “Snaggletooth.”)

I can’t critique the movie, as I didn’t sit through the whole thing. But rest assured, based on the little bit I did see, I won’t be torturing myself for a review anytime soon.