The Mystery of the Breakroom Bum

Have you ever noticed that in most company breakrooms there’s always that one person who seems to own the space? It’s as if they never leave. It doesn’t matter what time of the day it is. You can walk in at the beginning of your shift to get a drink…and there they are. You can walk in an hour later for a candy bar, they’re watching television. You take a break for lunch, they’re smoking a cigarette or chatting on their cell phone.

It makes you wonder if they ever do anything productive. Just what job do they have, exactly? My job mainly consists of me just manning a uniform room. I do pretty much whatever I want unless something comes up. But I have a post, so to speak. I have to stay in this room IN CASE someone happens to need assistance. So where’s this person’s post? How do they get away with dominating the breakroom and being overly possessive of the TV remote?

I ask this because over the past three days I’ve seen the same woman sitting in the breakroom EVERY time I walk past. I look through the glass door and there she is…chatting with someone. Always chatting. She’s rarely alone but always there.

It can get the imagination spinning.

What exactly do they do? Maybe she’s not really an employee at all. Maybe the badge is a fake! She’s mentally recording the casino layout and days from now we’ll all hear about a fantastic robbery. After all, everyone knows the security here is a joke. I swear…they’ll hire anyone.

Or perhaps she’s really been hired to monitor the breakroom. “Hey you! Your fifteen minutes are up! BACK TO WORK!” They could give her a whip for dramatic effect, and she could dress in leather and crack it at you. Hmm…then again, the leather may be too much. I’m suddenly reminded of a scene from Charlie’s Angels…

Well, whatever the case may be. I wonder about these people. I wonder what they really do or DON’T do. How do they get away with slacking off? And just what are they plotting?

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